#TheDress: songs with ‘blue’ or ‘black’ in the title vs songs with ‘white’ or ‘gold’ in the title

You’ve almost certainly seen ‘the dress’ by now. Is it black and blue, or white and gold? More importantly, are songs with ‘blue’ or ‘black’ in the title better than songs with ‘white’ or ‘gold’? There’s only one way to find out:

‘Blue Jeans’ by Lana Del Rey vs. ‘White Noise’ (feat. Alunageorge) by Disclosure

 

Lana Del Rey’s third single ‘Blue Jeans’ remains a triumph, with Digital Spy saying that it’s “packed with vintage American grandeur as well as Del Rey’s own menacing vocal”. The song is also home to Lana’s best lyric: “you’re so fresh to death and sick as cancer”. Unfortunately, the dress itself is about as sick as a common cold. The song itself is an ode to a lover who looks a bit vintage, over a track which owes as much to hip-hop as it does psychedelic rock.

On the other hand, Disclosure’s ‘White Noise’ is a banger of the highest order. An early noughts garage track on paired with paper-thin vocals from Alunageore’s Aluna Francis. Think Aaliyah if she was raised in Hoxton. It was the eighth greatest song of 2013, according to Billboard. The song is exactly 64x more pleasant that listening to actual white noise for five-and-a-half minutes. Coincidentally, watching white noise is 64x more pleasant than looking at the dress.

Winner: ‘White Noise’ (feat. Alunageorge) by Disclosure

‘Supermassive Black Hole’ by Muse vs. ‘Gold Forever’ by The Wanted

 

‘Supermassive Black Hole’ was nominated for an NME award back in 2007, but lost out to ‘Wasted Little DJs’ by The View (me neither). The guitar riff is arguably the sexiest guitar riff of the 21st century. NME said: “dirty funk guitars rub saucily against a Prince-ish falsetto over a pink leather couchette”. What they’re trying to say is that it sounds like a rock song that sounds like a pop song. Now, if only the dress would be sucked into a supermassive black hole.

The Wanted released ‘Gold Forever’ as the Comic Relief single. It has aged particularly badly, but it was safe and nice, which is exactly what a Comic Relief single should be. The Metro said that “fans of dance tracks tinged with a soppy edge and cheesy Euro beats will like this”. As a fan of dance tracks tinged with a soppy edge and cheesy Euro beats, I can confirm that the Metro is wrong. Fortunately, taste prevailed and this song was held off Number 1 by ‘Someone Like You’ and ‘Don’t Hold Your Breath’.

Winner: ‘Supermassive Black Hole’ by Muse

‘Black Widow’ (feat. Rita Ora) by Iggy Azalea vs. ‘White Flag’ by Dido

 

Remember when people liked Iggy Azalea? What a blissful time to be alive. At the height of her fame, she chucked out ‘Black Widow’ with Rita Ora (remember when she released her own songs?). The song is almost identical to Katy Perry’s ‘Dark Horse’, but what it lacks in originality it makes up for in its chorus. Marie Clare called it “nothing short of brilliant”. It’s not that good, but it is a lot less annoying that this dress is going to be by tomorrow morning.

Another popstar who has fallen out of the public’s consciousness is Dido, who peaked in 2003 with ‘White Flag’ and the parent album ‘Life For Rent’. Although it now sounds like Heart Radio at three in the afternoon, this is a classy. well-mannered pop song. The Guardian called it “a superb, confidently written pop song, possessed of a chorus that is impossible to dislodge from your memory without the aid of hypnotherapy”. Remember when Diana Vickers sang this, crying, in the arms of Eoghan Quigg? Incredible moment.

Winner: ‘White Flag’ by Dido

‘Into The Blue’ by Kylie Minogue vs. ‘Gold Digger’ (feat. Jamie Foxx) by Kanye West

 

Although ‘Into The Blue’ is possibly the laziest Kylie single of all time, a lazy Kylie single is still better than almost every other song. The Huffington Post said that “it sounds current and classy without jumping on any obvious musical bandwagon”. Amazingly, there’s a dress in the video that is black, but there’s also a lot of gold in the video. I wonder which side of the argument Kylie stands on. She hasn’t tweeted yet but I imagine she’s a white and gold girl, you know?

‘Gold Digger’ by Kanye West may only be heard now in average clubs and even more average wedding receptions, but there was a time where this was the most downloaded song in a week ever (it sold a mere 80,000 copies to achieve this in 2005). The song is an undeniable classic, with easily to imitate verses coupled with arguably the catchiest rap hook ever. Rolling Stone ranked it the 29th greatest song of the noughties. I wonder whether the gold digger in the song would have liked the dress. Probably not, let’s be honest.

Winner: ‘Into The Blue’ by Kylie Minogue

It’s a draw. The real winner though is Sam Sparro, who successfully predicted this moment in his hit ‘Black and Gold’.

What a song.

Feature image by Laura Murray (Iggy Azalea – Irving Plaza NYC) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

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