Five Bands That Should Not Come Back

 

Amidst claims of the ‘much-loved’ Irish boyband Westlife reuniting, which band member Kian Egan has later denied, I have decided to construct a list of the five bands that should under no circumstances reform and should stop these plans immediately.

Following Take That’s on-again off-again relationship with the charts and apparently Robbie Williams, over the last two or three years there has been a number of 90’s and 00’s bands/artists crawling out of the woodwork to try and salvage their dwindling reputations and to avoid bankruptcy. I mean there was a television programme about these has-beens trying to claw back their fifteen seconds of fame and failing to exude any star quality merely desperation.

STEPS
Although I will admit that I have a secret soft-spot for Steps as they were the first ‘band’ I ever saw live at the ripe old age of seven in a muddy Swindon field surrounded by portaloos and fairground rides – their music was not that great in the 90’s and even less so now.

In October 2011, the group once again graced the British Official Albums Chart with their second greatest hits album – The Ultimate Collection. The implication that they have ‘great’ hits forget about ‘greatest’ is a laughable concept, especially to the parents of 90’s children who were subjected to this cassette tape on a loop during every car journey.

5, 6, 7, 8 and Tragedy although popular the country-over on the school disco circuit, one can’t help but think that the reformation of Steps was less to do with satisfying this generation’s nostalgia, but more about the financial benefits for the band members.

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S CLUB 7
S Club 7 is made up of Rachel Stevens, Jo O’Meara, Tina Barrett, Paul Cattermole, Jon Lee, Bradley McIntosh and Hannah Spearitt, the band were extremely popular in Great Britain and managed to reach the American market. The septet had a monopoly on band merchandising –  films, tv series, clothing, accessories, dolls, boardgames, a magazine, a computer game; you name it they had their brand all over  it.

The group brought it all back for BBC’s ‘Children in Need’ this November by performing a medley of the most popular songs from their musical career. Although celebrities who use their public image to support charities are commendable and S Club 7 has always supported charity, their hit ‘Never Had A Dream Come True’ was an official charity single, I feel the real charity was the BBC allowing them to get a glimpse of the spotlight that they once had.

But perhaps ‘our time has come’ to stop the ’S Club Party’.

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WESTLIFE

The Irish boyband achieved 14 number 1 singles in their 14 year music career before disbanding three years ago, however reports today suggest that the band are said to be in advanced talks with Syco, Simon Cowell’s record label, to record a new album and go on tour. Record company bosses are also said to be hoping to pull a ‘Take That’ and have previous fifth member of the lineup, Brian McFadden rejoin Westlife.

The most successful of Westlife’s songs were not written by the band, but covers of famous songs repackaged for a different audience e.g. Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’ and Secret Garden’s ‘You Raise Me Up’, obviously accompanied by their best friend a.k.a ‘key change’ they managed to make these songs more cheesy than the originals and considerably worse.

Vocally they are not the worst on this list, but they definitely deserve to be on it. As the band consisted of adults and not man-children i.e. The Wanted and One Direction they certainly did not have as much of a following or ‘sex appeal’.

The claims of a comeback were denied by band members and the record label alike, however would it be surprising if they pulled a Beyoncé (not as stylishly) and release an album without advertising beforehand? Probably not.

However they have had their ‘Seasons In The Sun’ and should retire gracefully and fade out of the public eye.

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GIRLS ALOUD

Founded in 2002, after winning the television competition ‘Popstars: The Rivals’, Girls Aloud took the UK albums and singles chart by storm and won the support and adoration of thousands of people as well as accumulating a revenue of £30 million by mid 2010.

The group announced their split in March 2013, obviously not before a final farewell tour though generating a considerable amount of money.

After 11 years of performing, shouldn’t they have gone out with a bang?

Their avid fans obviously were desperate to see their idols together one more time. Many disagree, they have been labelled  as talentless, overrated and plasticky by members of the public. Even ‘The Rocket Man’, Elton John referred to the band as ‘awful’. Although the 67 year-old is often bolshy in his opinions, having sold more than 300 million records worldwide it is fair to say that he knows a thing or two about the music industry.

Hopefully they will not make a comeback anytime soon, this would be one of the first decisions they would make that would please me.

 

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Hear’Say

The fifth band that should, in the immortal words of Taylor Swift “never, ever, ever get back together”, are Hear’Say. The first winners of ITV’s ‘Popstars’ franchise, Danny Foster, Myleene Klass, Kym Marsh, Noel Sullivan and Suzanne Shaw had a short lived career lasting only eighteen months due to reported ‘abuse from the public’.

Out of all of the acts listed I feel that Hear’Say are the least likely to reform as each of the members has found individual success in acting, singing and/or presenting, greater success than they ever had or will ever have as a group.

Their one successful song ‘Pure and Simple’ was just that, a cliche pop song that gets stuck in your head like a splinter that can only be removed by a song even worse. If it were not for the band winning the competition, they would not have become the recognisable faces that they are and certainly, without a shadow of a doubt, have had a 2x Platinum single.

But as with the majority of commercial music, ‘Pure and Simple’ song was recorded three years earlier by an English-Dutch girl group ‘Girl Thing’ who were dropped from their label before the song was given to Hear’Say. Even the single’s B-Side was a less than stellar rendition of Simon & Garfunkel’s ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’.

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Obviously the five artists in this list are my opinion, but I decided to ask members of the public for their’s.

ARTISTS THAT I PERSONALLY WOULD LOVE TO MAKE A COMEBACK

  • Outkast
  • Destiny’s Child (Beyoncé can still release solo projects on the side)
  • The Smiths
  • *NSYNC (Although Justin Timberlake is a fantastic solo artist in his own right)

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